


being used

by souveraiin



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Andperry - Freeform, Angst, Dead Poets Society - Freeform, M/M, Neil Perry - Freeform, Todd Anderson - Freeform, Todd Anderson/Neil Perry - Freeform, anderperry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:34:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25000969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/souveraiin/pseuds/souveraiin
Summary: in the duration of being used while neil has a girlfriend, todd still finds a way to romanticize the whole situation.
Relationships: Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Kudos: 27





	being used

**Author's Note:**

> this writing is absolute crap, mostly because it’s sort of a vent. i’m sorry  
> please stay safe everyone <3

neils been having a girlfriend for almost a year now, and it’s been going great for them, sure they have a few rough patches, but not the entirely worst. they’re doing great.

i mean, for her eyes it is.  
she doesn’t know the cheating part on neils side.

they’ve been like this for months. 

“ oh, todd, ” neil whispered roughly into his ear. at first, when he used to make this noise, it made todd have a bunch of butterflies in his stomach and make his own skin bloom in blush. now, he’s numb to the pleasurable whisper.

todd continued to kiss at neils neck, trying to put effort in it when in all, he wasn’t in the mood for this anymore, he wasn’t in the mood to be used like this anymore at all.

he doesn’t like being the second choice anymore.

months ago, neil talked to todd for the first time since their argument. 

he apologized and thought about it, and he wants to be with todd, for the rest of his life, ( as he claims. ) he’s just scared. scared of not having the reassurance of an excuse at hand if anyone called him well, slurs. 

at first, todd tried to understand that, he was just so happy neil still felt like that.

so, at the beginning it was endless flirting, late night talks about their future, and so on. basically all the things you do with your significant other- well, if they were your significant other. 

then things started to get physical.  
leaving hickeys one on another’s body, making out till their lips were bruised and red, and telling them how badly they want them. 

that’s the only how far they’ve gone, they have limits, of course.

“ neils limits ” todd names them.

todds been okay with this at the first few months, i mean not thrilled he’s still with that girl, but trying to understand.

he’s willing to wait for him, no?

-

they’re by the river that rests on the campus of welton. their legs hanging loosely on the old wood frames from the boardwalk that are surprisingly still in tack.

neil places his hand on todd, with the casual force of habit, he looks at him. the brunette does his well known bright, beaming smile. todd chuckles and flops onto the boardwalk. how could he stay mad at him forever? 

sure neils with a girl, that he kisses. that he holds, that he tells his secrets to, but obviously and surely todds much important than her. right?

he starts to bite his lip.  
“ hey, neil? ” todd murmura softly. he never likes to raise his voice, as much as he wants to though.

“ yeah? ” neil looks down on him, tracing the dirty blondes hand, which causes todd to have shivers up his spine. he knows the things that make todd melt under his command, and he likes it yet despises it.

“ y-you.. you love me, right? ” 

he blinks and shifts his weight a bit.  
“ yes, i do. ” he says it more of a fact with a painted on stern face than a little giggle and smile.

“ are you going to break up with her? ” theres so much anger and confusion built up in those words, yet he still manages to softly speak it. 

neil drags his hand away from todds and looks away from him.

a couple of seconds pass by, which god, feels like countless years toward the blonde.

he nods, and for once todd believes him and smiles. he tackles neil and smears kisses all over his face. he can’t help but giggle, they both smile at each other. then, the shy boy buries his head into the crook of neils neck.

“ i cant wait to be yours, ” todd mumbles into neils skin

“ you’re already mine, baby. ” neil whispers into his ear.

with the mix of butterflies blossoming into his stomach from the pet name, they slowly start to die. unsure whether if he even is his.

-

neil gave a specific date to when he’s going to break up with her, and when that time came he was ever more thrilled for when he came back to the dorm from practice. as if he were a eager little puppy, waiting for their owner to arrive.

he was busy trying to focus on his trig when the door unlocked, swiftly, his head turned greeted with a neil perry behind the door.

“ you did it? ” todd smiled widely.

“ i did. ” neil smiled back and hugged the blondes shoulders. todd laid kisses on the side of neils cheek. finally, he was his.

-

on a bittersweet december, he decided it was best to surprise neil by coming to practice with a nice lunch. knox helped him steal some food from the cafeteria along with some chocolate he’s been saving himself.

neil didn’t know he was coming, and todd thought that was the most romantic aspect of all. to not know your lover is going to surprise you, that’s practically boyfriend material.

boyfriend, he repeated in his head. boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend

he’s not yet acknowledged the idea that he’s boyfriends with neil perry. it still makes his heart swell and makes his legs go numb.

he finally arrived, and left his bike on the curb. he checked the lunch and was still perfectly in tack, he smiled. 

he went through the back, where usually all the actors go through, and tip toed to neils dressing room. but something made him stop. something made him sick to his stomach. 

he heard another voice in the room.  
he heard a females voice that awfully sounded like his ex-girlfriend.

there was giggling, he opened the door swiftly, and god, how he wished he could be dull forever.

he was greeted with neil kissing her, and then backing away when todd opened the door. “ hey t- ” before he could even finished his sentence he slammed his so called romantic lunch onto the ground and ran to his bike, petal his way back to welton and sobbed throughout the time he was alone.

and while he was romanticizing all this time about being in love with neil, he suddenly started to romanticize about being alone.


End file.
